just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
