i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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