I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The best revenge is premature balding
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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