Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
