No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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