So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
