All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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