My first STD was from a foam party
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
