I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You were trust falling into bushes
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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