Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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