apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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