you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
