If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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