I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
