He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
