is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
