dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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