I'm drive I can fine osifer
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
