I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
