I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
