Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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