I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
