this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
