yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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