my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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