On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
there's paper in my vomit.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
