Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
