Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
