There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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