my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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