I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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