Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
