So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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