I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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