I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
