I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
