I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
