Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My pussy is not your playground.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
