meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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