he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
