it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
