No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
