We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I think people are normalizing furries
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
