I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
