you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
