i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
