Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
