Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
