She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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