apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
