Im at strip club and am horny
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
