Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The power of my boobs compel you
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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