I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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