We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
